Brain Cloud

How do I go about becoming healtheir and stronger without having it become all consuming?  How do I get beyond the idea that eating right and exercising are NOT just about trying to lose weight?  How do I get beyond the near 35 years of pressure that I put on myself because I was taught that weight determines so much?  

I tell myself that the scale doesn't matter, and it doesn't. 

But then I can't take my kids to Disney World because my body won't fit on the rides...  And then I find myself judging my husband (only him though) because of the weight he's put on and refusing to look at my own poor health decisions...  And then I realize that it's been almost 5 months since my surgery and I still feel down right miserable a lot of the time...  

How do I do this differently? 

I think it's time to start writing again.  My head is an unfriendly place that could use some airing out.